Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Toughest Street in Town

Predicament dear friend(s). I'm not a good let-goer, ie. someone who lets go of friendships. My motives are not entirely selfless, I admit I care too much about what people think about me, and I always want to leave people with a good uhh last remembrance of me.

That being said, I have a former best friend, one time love, friend whom I still love (well at the very least she was my first making it something special) that for some reason is not returning any attempts I've made at trying to contact her. And when I do get in touch with her, it's always initiated by me, and basically if I'm not the one doing it, there's no contact at all. When we talk it's always, oh I miss you, and it's great to talk, with sincerity. I'll admit, staying friends as long as we have (5 or 6 years) being fairly different people, and going through the shit we have together, hasn't been easy. And over the years we've drifted and come against a number of walls, but I mean, who hasn't? It's clear we're still friendly, and I'm sure things could be re-ignited, but I just don't understand what's up with her. I mean, if she's busy ok that's cool. But I've left 5 or 6 messages throughout the month with her, and she doesn't have 10 minutes to respond to any?

Maybe I'm being selfish. Though, honestly, I'm not looking for anything other then a 10 minute call even that shows any sort of interest in maintaining things. I'm sure she thinks things are fine, which either speaks to my own insecurities or perhaps only illustrates my point seeing as how it's been a month or two since we last spoke and clearly she's not bothered enough to do anything about it.

I don't know whether to be angry, sad, or reflective. It's still an important relationship to me, though again is that because she's my first love and I'm hanging on too much? Not to mention I don't have many strong relationships in my life, and this is/used to be one. I'm not dying without her, but I miss her a lot, I really do. And on top of that I miss having someone to depend on and talk to, and that's what she used to be.

Anyways, a complex issue with a complex answer I'm sure. If things in my life were different, ie. I weren't anxiety burdened, perhaps things would be easier. But I'd like to receive some sort of sign that she even cares anymore. I don't mean to sound so morose, and I'm not losing (much) sleep over it, but those are my thoughts on it. If it's rambling or incoherent it's because I have so much to say that I can't organize it all.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Tangerine by Led Zeppelin

This song accurately reflects how I feel right now. Well maybe just the last two verses.

Measuring a summers day,
I only finds it slips away to grey,
The hours, they bring me pain.

tangerine, tangerine,
Living reflection from a dream;
I was her love, she was my queen,
And now a thousand years between.

Thinking how it used to be,
Does she still remember times like these?
To think of us again?
And I do.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Old School Fun

With Laura (who very well may be the only person who reads this, 'Hey Laura!') suggesting I try out Day of the Tentacle (which I'm still having trouble with, but I've got some suggestions from people I'll try out tonight), my interest in old games I own has been renewed. The Resident Evil series is far ands above my fave series of games, excluding of course the online versions, and the arcade shooters.

Some people have movies and books and CDs they cannot live without, and while I have my fair share of those (along with my computer in general since it houses so many things I need, ie. music, movies, guitar tabs etc.) there are a couple of games I cannot live without either. RE2 and 3 being two of them. I am such a huge horror movie fan and these games are perfect little horror nuggets. They may be dated, and corny, and even at times poorly written and acted (while inside a ravaged and bloody police station room, dying cop #1 exclaims "You must be Leon the new guy. Sorry kid, your parties cancelled", brilliant!), but I've never felt more like a kid in a candy store then I do when playing these games. For sheer pulp fun, and zombie madness they can't be beat.

In real life news I'm looking into taking some more courses. My Criminology one is done, and it was great, so now I might take a Psych course. The Criminal Psychology course I wanted to take has already started, and of course having a basic Psych background would be helpful as well. So I gotta call Algonquin tomorrow and ask them some questions about it, and perhaps look into some other schools as well.

Friday, January 25, 2008


While walking my dog just now I ran into a girl, and her mom, who live near me. Having a person my age who lives near me is definitely a plus, but I've always been too nervous to be like 'hey, let's get together'. I'm not looking for a relationship of any sort, just someone to hang out with. When out walking, I ran into her with her dog. Her dog and mine always get along, as they did this time, so during the pleasant neighbourly chat someone suggested that we let them run around some time. So without thinking I was like 'oh yeah sure, just give me a call I'm usually available' and they were like 'ok sounds good yada yada'. So maybe we'll get together at some point, cause I think it'd be fun. Whether or not I make an ass of myself remains to be seen.

Sorry this reads like a highschool diary entry but I don't have positive interactions with new people often, let alone attractive women my age. I usually just mutter something or laugh nervously.

Thursday, January 24, 2008


Saw Juno again last night, and I liked it a lot more the second time. Now that I knew what to expect it was easier to get into, instead of being shocked by what it wasn't. So new rating;

Juno - 4 stars

In other news, when the fuck is Brett Easton Ellis going to write a new book? I've read everything he has, and American Psycho 5 times, Glamorama 3 times, and Lunar Park twice. This guy needs to be like Stephen King and pump out a book every year.

Oh, and yes Glamorama and American Psycho are my favourite books. Probably in that order.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Maybe It's Just Me

You (the hypothetical you I suppose) ever have a day so good that it makes you sad? Like, how could the next day possibly live up to the one you just had? That's kind of where I'm at I guess. My days, without sounding mellow dramatic or crazy, are usually pretty shit admittedly. And I've had such, a moderately pleasant couple of days that it just makes me sad. Sad to realize, and catch a glimpse of, the kind of things I'm missing out on.

On the plus side I'm enjoying Lost Season 3. Woo...

Cut Off

Well I just realized I passed along my blog address to a person who's good friends with a girl I sorta maybe kinda like, unbeknownst to her (?). So instead of writing about a charming little repartee we had which was so embarrassing for me, I shall post my opinions on some films I've recently seen. All three of which I've been waiting for for quite some time, and two lived up to the hype, one kinda fell short.

3:10 to Yuma - I uhh boarded the train a little late on this one but overall I thought it was great. Some character motivations were a little spotty, and Bale was, sadly, a bit of one note character, but it was still fairly dramatic and exciting. Plus, can a film with Alan Tudyk really receive anything other than the highest of praise? I think not.

Sweeney Todd - As any real film enthusiast would be, I'd been excited for this film from the moment it was announced. I mean, you cannot go wrong with Depp and Burton. Well maybe you can with the Corpse Bride, but perhaps that's just me. Anyways another good film. For some reason, I really love period films, whether they're placed in the past or future. Any film student or amateur can shoot a film in the present day wearing jeans and a t, but it takes real skill to create a whole new world and make it believable. Plus the film was funny, and had decent enough music, and great atmosphere. Though even though I know it's a musical, much in the same way I feel with anime, the nonsense of the musical world (or cartoon world) really pulls me out of the drama.

Juno - Ever since Arrested Development ended I've been watching everything each cast mate has put out. From the shit like Brothers Solomon featuring Will Arnett, to surprisingly good like The Kingdom (come on people, as a pure action film it's decent, because clearly as an allegory it's ridiculous) with Jason Bateman. I was really hoping Juno would be something above both those films. Sadly, it fell in between.

I like all the cast memebers involved in the film, and of course Jason Reitman comes from a long line of awesome, ie. Ivan. That being said, this film really annoyed me in parts. The dialog, while often funny, was so obviously trying to be hip that I couldn't help but roll my eyes and actually cringe in a number of places. Why characters refused to talk or emote like normal people is beyond me. Even the down to earth speeches contained winks and nudges and hip little word plays. I mean, perhaps the story itself is beyond the realms of reality, and therefore the writer thought it would be ok to write all the characters like they just graduated from clown school. I don't know. That being said, as a comedy film is was great. I thought it contained some good messages buried beneath all the asinine dialog, I just would have liked to have seen a more 'human' film.

So uh stars wise;
3:10 to Yuma - 3 1/2
Sweeney - 4
Juno - 3

Sunday, January 20, 2008


I'm trying to figure out how much I want to get into the X-Files chatrooms and spoilers out there. While it would be fun to debate with fans and get really hyped for the new film (though it's hard to imagine being more excited at this point) I also kind of want things to remain fresh. At the very least I'll be watching a lot of X-Files eps between now and July.

Post Funeral

So got back tonight from a funeral for my I guess Great Aunt. I didn't know her all that well, nor did I see her much in her later years since she suffered from dementia and was in a care facility. So, when I heard the news, I wasn't all that shocked or upset. I've, luckily, never been to a funeral for someone close to me. So I've never had to deal with the grief associated with most funerals. But anyways, the family packed up and headed down to Kingston to pick up Mike, my brother at Queens, and then head to Toronto where we stayed for 2 nights.

The actual funeral itself was ok I suppose. I wasn't sad about the death, but the people around me, whom I'm relatively close with ie. my dad's cousins, were, so that was mildly upsetting. But after that, and I kind of hate to admit it almost, I had a blast. I hadn't seen my cousins (who are roughly my age) in quite some time. And while they were upset their grandma died, it was clear they were passed the major grief moments and we managed to have a really good time in spite of the circumstances.

There were 5 of us, Mike, myself, Liam who's in grade 10, Jamie who's a couple years older then I, and Megan, who's a year younger. We hung out in the basement of the house where the after funeral activities were (Megan and Liam's house) and chatted, caught up, talked about life, played Halo 3, Guitar Hero etc. And at the end of it all realized how much fun we had together, as opposed to when we hung out separately with some of the more stuffy members of the family. Anyways, after that, the immediate family (about 10 of us) crowded around this tiny little table and had lasagna and 'shot the shit'. Again, it was really great, and I'm glad I ended up going cause I can't wait to hang out with that side of the family again. You know, hopefully under better circumstances.

After all that, we drove back to Kingston to drop Mike back at Queens where I got to see his room finally, and meet some of his friends. We also took back 350 beer cans. Oh and I got my haircut finally, it had been probably 9 months and my look has gone from hobo-bohemian to something a little more normal.

The next thing coming up in my life is a trip to Florida at the end of February, which I'm 80% sure I'm going on. I need to chat with my therapist a bit first. God I hate planes. And waiting.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Note to Self

Stop watching Lynch late at night.

I just finished Inland Empire and my head hurts. It was 3 hours of pure WTF. The first and final third make sense (as much as any Lynch film can make sense in a truly concrete manner) but the middle is still all jumbly. I didn't love the film right away, as I did Mulholland Drive when I saw it (opening weekend back in '01, woo!) but I didn't hate it either. And it certainly scared the shit out of me. It was so damned unnerving and contains some of the most frightening images I've ever seen (I hate distorted weird faces). But I mean, there were parts in Polish, the narratives stopped and started and were interwoven at random, and there were even scenes from Lynch's Rabbits (a sitcom involving people dressed in Rabbit costumes spewing out cryptic phrases along to a laugh track) thrown in for good measure.

Anyways, I can't wait to watch it again and hopefully put it all together in at least a semi-coherent fashion. It would help if I were running on more than 3 hours of sleep as well.

Take the Plunge

Well I guess it's important to get the first post out of the way, regardless of the importance of its message, otherwise I'll never return. That being said, hello. Will I update often? Maybe. Do I have interesting things to say? Perhaps. Though I'm really not looking to change the world or reach the masses. I'm just interested in using this as an online journal of sorts since I often have things flying through my mind, and I'm a much faster typer then writer.

See that wasn't so bad was it? Nor was it very informative either. Perhaps things will improve in subsequent updates.