Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Job Update

Day 1 of job stuff complete.

It was a 10 hour shift, from 12-10pm. And surprisingly enough it wasn't awful, nerves wise that is. This first shift was purely training and, unfortunately for me, their systems run on DOS and the commands you have to use are beyond confusing and whatnot, and every possible complicated procedure that could have happened, happened. So I was inundated with so much stuff, so things were a little overwhelming in that regard. Hopefully I can adopt my brothers work mantra which is 'you don't pay me enough for me to get stressed out'. I think what really struck me was how it's not just a 'scan and pay' kind of job. There's a lot of record checking, code entering, ice cream scooping stuff going on. Luckily I still have a couple more training shifts to do. Apparently I'm the only person who's being trained fully. I was told that eventually I'll be working with someone else, but he only knows how to do returns and scoop ice cream. Which is great, but I mean, he couldn't be trained a little more? Also I've been told an assistant-manager position might be made available to me once the new store opens. And it's only been one fucking day! I'm not super worried, but it puts the pressure on a little bit.

Discounts have not been discussed, and minimum wage is the pay until I start working by myself (once training is done). Of course the pay will change should I become assistant-manager. Also, surprisingly you're not allowed to put on movies there. I know I've seen them do it in the past, so maybe they got in trouble for it, that or they're going more straight laced. I 'watched' (ie. heard playing) a 1 hour promo disc over and over for 10 hours. It just made me realized that while I love film in general, I really hate the current crop of movies. Makes it hard to recommend things to people......

So after my big shift I went out to a bar in Kanata where a bunch of people were already chilling. There were 6 to begin with, including me, and then the 'periphery' individuals left. No slight against them clearly, just it was then left to me, Kate, Alex, and his brother Sam (my brothers age and a good friend of his) who are all some of my closest friends. To make a long story short, I've never seen Sam so damn drunk in my life. It was a hilarious and awesome night full of totally random and very interesting conversation. So I was there from about 10:30-1:30 when the place started closing down. And although Sam and Alex were drunk, it was a normal, fun drunk so we got up and did karaoke at the end of the night. Since we're all, if I do say so myself, accomplished musicians, Sam and Alex were jonesing to do The Weight by The Band. I think we did a damned good job and we did especially well on all the harmony stuff. Anyways, after that I was DD so I had to drive them all home. Didn't get home till 2:15 and went to bed at 3 and slept till noon.

Slow day, thankfully, and now I'm off to bed again. My next shift is Friday (since the owners only work weekends I can only train then) and then on Sunday I'm going to Muskoka for a couple days with Dad and Mike before Mike goes off to Queens on Wed.

Guitar videos coming soon. I have some recorded, but they aren't up to snuff so I'm gonna do them again.

Sunday, August 24, 2008


Ok, so I was hired. I'll be working weekends and evenings at my local video store. They're also planning to move and expand a little bit and I'll be going with them if everything works out fine. Today will be my first shift (12-8) and will be comprised, initially, of training and then I'll take over and the owners will leave half way through the day or so.

It's a great location, and right beside it there's a mini-mart, restaurant, Subway and Burger King, ooh and my bank. So I'm looking forward to it basically. I just wonder how an 8 hour shift is going to go, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm not sure what their in store movie watching policy is (ie. do I have to watch things that are available for rent) but I'll take along some Arrested Development and X-Files stuff, in case the answer is no.

Other than that things are good. Bought some old movies last night (Touch of Evil, Forbidden Planet) since while I'm pretty good with films from like the 70s and up, I don't know much about stuff before that, so I need to get studying. Also, I bought this giant mounted poster from the King Kong remake for $25 and I can't wait to put it up somewhere. I'll make another post tonight including the videos I promised, and a 'how things went' breakdown.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

OK so....

My job application and stuff went through. From a normal person's standpoint it could not have gone better. My resume though a little thin was still adequate, my references were great, and I certainly know enough about films, and how to deal with customers/people to be more than qualified. So I've moved to the top of the heap (as told by the manager) and will receive a call shortly. They're currently in the process of figuring out a move, so once it's all finalized or whatever I'll start working. Or so it sounded. It sounds like rhetoric but it isn't.

At this point I'm a bit of a mixture in terms of how I feel. Sometimes it's 'man I can't wait to get started'. Other times it's 'well, I'm pretty nervous, but I gotta work, and this is the perfect place', and sometimes it's like 'holy fuck I've made a huge mistake, how can I back out of this gracefully'. So, definitely some stuff to talk to the old therapist about. Not to mention they're interested in me working all day, and what's my long term outlook cause they're looking for people to stick around for a while (ie. a year/years). And I just keeping saying 'oh yes, that'll be fine' (which I know it is), but at the same time I'm thinking 'years?! I thought you were closing and I'd only be here for a couple months'. Now not only do I need to work there, but I'm stuck there forever.

Again, not a bad thing since it's a great place, but it's like this REALLY has to go well. Or else!

So yeah, that's where things with that are. It's all kinda jumbly, and I'm making a huge deal out of it when I shouldn't. Because A) I don't know when I'm going to start, or how long my shift will be and whether it'll be with someone else, and B) It could go absolutely fantastic.

And there's my little rant on the topic. That might be all, I don't know. My problem is I get really anxious at night and am like, oh my god I can't work now, I'm freaking out! When in reality the store is only open 12-9 and I'm rarely anxious during the day.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Employment Question

While out driving today and doing grocery errands, I decided to go to my local video store and see what's new there. When there, I saw it was closed but decided to get closer in case it opened soon. It didn't, but on the door was a Help Wanted sign. So I called the place up later in the day to inquire and indeed they are hiring. I was told what I needed to hand in with my resume and I said I'd bring it in in the next day or so.

Now, here's my dilemma. This is my current dream job to a degree. Given my current state, this job is perfect. It's close to home, I know the people who own the place and have since they opened it, it's low key, and it deals with film. However, I haven't had a job in years. And even though I'm more excited about it now than I have been in the past, the thought of working long shifts out and about is still daunting. So basically I'm wondering if I should either mention that I'd like to start slow, just as like a random request, or if I should mention my anxiety and that, while I'd love to work there, starting slow with conditions would be a great help. Cause I know once I get used to it, I'll be able to work more and more.

However, I don't want to seem too demanding, and have that put me out of a job entirely. I know that I may not get a, 'Oh this is what I did' sort of response since I'm sure there are many other deep anxiety sufferers here, but since most people have probably worked more than I have, I wonder what your hypothetical advice is.


I mentioned I'm available whenever. We'll see how that goes.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Guitar stuff

Just to break up the wall of text I thought I'd post the guitar stuff in a new post. First song is 'Winter Solstice' by The Tea Party. It was recorded quite a while ago, hence the sweater and why I'm so skinny. Gross. Current weight gain=a positive for me. Watching the video I also realize I could never be a rock star, cause I just don't have a 'rock star face'. I don't make cool faces, I just totally zone out and like super focus. It's not a struggling focus it's just like a mindless focus, where I literally think of nothing and the notes just come. Anyways, second video I did recently, yes even though I'm in a sweater. No head in this one, just my body. The song is 'Sultans of Swing' by the Dire Straites. Not perfect, I don't think, but meh. What're you gonna do? Complain? Do it, I dare you.



EDIT: As an aside, Sultans is played in a tuning slightly sharper than standard, so it might sound off in parts as a) it's not a definite art, my tuning to random stuff that is, and b) either my strings are dying or my neck is warped cause things sometimes go out of tune too quickly.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Material Goods

So pretty good days lately. And yes I know I start all my blogs with 'so', I just can't help it. Kinda like how I use 'anyways' as a transition all the time. So anyways (ha!), went out and spent some money this weekend which I may or may not regret. After falling in love with King Kong (1933) I decided to pick up its spiritual successor Mighty Joe Young (1949) which was also awesome. However, I also bought the 3-Disc Deluxe Edition of the King Kong remake.

Now, I hated the film upon first seeing it. It was so devoid of life and excitement (as I remember, since now I wonder how I could hate something so passionately), but after watching Peter Jackson talk lovingly about the original film on the originals features and how he went through the trouble to re-create lost scenes using all the techniques pioneered in the 30s just cause he loved the film made me want to see his version again. If nothing else to compare, and then watch the special features. However, since the film is in fact 3 hours and 21 minutes now, I'm not sure when I'll find the time to get to it. I mean, I technically have time, it's just when do I feel like watching something like that in one setting. And yes it has to be in one setting. I'm just like that.

Oh and the first of three of my incoming packages arrived. I ordered three books and one set of films. The books are X-Files books (official guides if you must know, a synopsis of each episode in a season, with then some background info on the shoot, or interviews etc. They really are informative and great). I've currently got 3 of 7 and figured before the others go out of print I should get them. The films are a collection of Hammer (that's the company) Dracula films starring Christopher Lee, and sadly only one featuring Peter Cushing, from the 50s and 60s. I love them. The first, Horror of Dracula, is amazing. The other three are pure camp fun. First package was one of the books and my films.

Other than that, not a lot. I mean, sure little things, nothing big. Therpay Monday, to which I will drive myself. My therapist will literally shit a brick. I've been saying I was gonna get my license for like a year now.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Love and uh stuff

So today I was out shopping; doing my own personal errands, buying stuff for the pets, and getting groceries. During this I was walking between CD Warehouse and Blockbuster which are both in a fancy little strip mall, and coming towards me was this elderly couple, they must have been about 80. At first it sounded like the man was talking some language other than English to his wife, since it was broken up and odd sounding, then as we got closer, I heard that he was in fact singing to her. It sounded like some 30s or 40s love ballad, and he wasn't doing it too loudly or 'at' her, but he was singing too her while she watched him and smiled as they both shuffled along slowly. It was honestly the sweetest thing I've ever seen, and I was awwww and my throat got all lumpy.

I don't get like that too often, but it was just a really nice moment I thought I'd share.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Not Blerg?

Well better day today. Did running and weights in the morning. Was going to go see Hellboy 2 but a) Mike said he'd teach me how to drive standard, and b) he was going out to do weights at 5 and I said I'd go with. So I sat around most of the day just waiting for these things to happen. The first didn't since Mike was out working with Alex all day, and the second didn't happen till 7 or so. But whatev, maybe I'll go this weekend.

So at 7 I went out with Mike and his friend (who's like my second brother I've known him so long) Alex to the army gym where they were getting ready to do a 5 hour workout. They read about it in some magazine, thought it was the most ridiculous thing ever and decided to do it. They're both in good shape (with Mike playing football for years, and Alex just starting to get into it) so it wasn't the most retarded of tasks. It's basically intense weights for one hour, eat a meal, and then do it again 4 more times. I left around hour 2 after doing some weights with them, and some treadmill stuff. I was going to watch The People vs. Larry Flynt since I rented it early this week, but I'm just so fucking tired there's no way I can stay up long enough.

Tomorrow morning we get up early and drive down to Kingston to help Mike set up his house for next year. Should be a decent enough time. Provided I can move tomorrow. A combined total of 3 hours of hard exercise and the two 400 calorie burgers I cooked when I got home are really taking their tole right now.


Also, I really like this song right now. I go through phases with bands/songs I'm not used to, and this one is sticking right now. That said Californication is far and above my favourite show on TV right now. It is perfect in every way. It's also one of those shows where each successive episode is better than the last, which is pretty amazing given how awesome the pilot is. Sadly this half assed compilation video does nothing for it, but it's the only studio version of the song I could find on YouTube. And it's also cut short by 5 seconds. Anyways, the song is 'Little Round Mirrors' by Harvey Danger and it's amazing. Also, I can't recommend the show enough. It's easily in my top three shows; those being X-Files, Californication, and Arrested Development.

I'll probably be posting some videos over the weekend as well since I've learned some new guitar stuff. Not that I have anything to say in them sadly.

Little Round Mirrors

Depressing night for whatever reason. Like soul crushingly blah. Cleaned my room prior to the funk and I vacuumed and wiped the shit out of it. Not literal shit mind you, but there was some nasty dust. Took my cat to the vet and picked up some dog tags for my dog. My cat hissed at a weight machine because the smell of other cats was too much for him. Apparently. Yeah.....

Anyways, I 'caved' and sent an email off to my friend Emily. I really miss her and I haven't talked to her since about February or maybe even Jan. Our email communique around that time went well, hmmm poor would be a grand understatement. I was a bit of a dick, she was obvious to what I was trying to talk to her about. Maybe with my license now we can get together and sort stuff out. Anyways, its been a sad, lonely night. That is all.

Monday, August 4, 2008

In Dreams

So, my driving test is Tuesday, and I'm a little nervous. But at least if I fail, which I hopefully won't, I won't be any worse off than I am currently. Cause when you go the first time, you're neutral, and failing that sucked ass, but now I can't fail any worse. Unless I kill someone, or myself...or the instructor. Anyways, heading out to the testing area tomorrow just to check it out. My problem last time was driving 45 in a 40 (fucking school zones, when I was a kid you made sure to look where you were walking, and you didn't just run out in front of speeding cars), and my turn signal, for some reason, when up too fast when I put it down. So, those are easily correctable. I hope so anyways.

After that, life and the summer is wide open. Gonna go see Hellboy 2 when I get my license since no one else will go with me, and I've seen the other two blockbuster films, X-Files and Dark Knight.

Anyways, I had the most depressing dream last night. After 3/4s of a night of randomness (including fighting wolves) it all came to a head at some comic book or movie store, where I was with friends and my new girlfriend (in the dream, not real life) Jenna Wong, who I went to school with, back in grade school. So we were shopping for something or other there, but then went out to school, Carleton in this case, for lunch or who knows. When there, I sat at some table where my good friend (but not really, she's the love of my life who also lead me down the road to utter sadness) Caitlin Brown was sitting. And I was like fuck this is awkward, but honestly, even in real life, I'd be like hey...what's up, since I'm just a friendly guy I guess. So she was talking about some junk, I don't really know, and I'm just like oh yeah, but hey this isn't going so bad. Eventually Jenna had to leave and I was like oh ok, I'll catch up with you later, since I didn't want to leave whatever conversation I was having with Caitlin. Long story short, and since I don't remember the inbetween stuff, it ended with Caitlin and I hugging/crying while professing our shared loneliness and getting back together, even though I knew it was a retarded choice and I should have stayed with the other girl. And at that point I was like 'If I don't fucking wake up from this dream, I'm going to kill myself'. Suffice it to say, I woke up, and was like 'get out my brain woman!!' but couldn't stop thinking about it all day.

Maybe I need to undergo some sort of hypnosis or something to get her out of my head.