Monday, October 27, 2008

Judgement Day

Things have progressed nicely with my lady friend and we're kind of in the early official stages now. There have been a number of dates, we've met each others families, not in an official sort of weird way, just in a friendly fun way. Her mom is exactly like her (for better or worse some would say) so her and I get along swimmingly and we had a good dicussion the other night when I was over at their house about old horror movies (50s and 60s) which she and I are both a fan of. So score points for me there.

I'm picking her up tomorrow after work and 'the talk' may or may not take place. I left my wallet at her house the other night, and realized it had a bunch of my therapist's 'business' cards in it, but when she called the next day to tell me I'd left it there, she said not to worry because she didn't go through it. Which normally coming from someone sounds like their trying to cover their ass, but with her, it seems like something she'd say because she'd be worried that someone would automatically jump to that conclusion about her. I told her it was ok, but damn, I wish she actually had gone through it cause that would be an easy way to break the ice and take the initial pressure off me.

Anwyays, I figure tomorrow would be a good day to sit and talk and get to know each other a little more, like our early life and such. Logically, and chronologically, speaking, my anxiety disorder fits in there somewhere, but I'll gauge how she is on divulging personal details, and receving such divulsions (?).

Then Thursday I'm off to Kingston to see Mike get sworn in to the reserves, Friday going with Chelsea (the lady) to see Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and then November 3rd off to Toronto for the Feist concert and back here on the 4th for my birthday and American election night. I am honestly SO FUCKING EXCITED for the latter part of the previous sentence. I've been following this damn thing since before it began and it'll be nice to finally reach the end, and hopefully with a positive outcome.

Also finally bought Hedwig this weekend, $6 at Blockbuster. Woohoo! I was debating between that, From Dusk Till Dawn and Bubba Ho-Tep. Since I recently spent like $90 at work on movies, I figured I'd go the cheap route, and just get one movie, which was also the cheapest, and probably best too.

And my obsession with Dexter shows little slowing down.

EDIT: Also I may or may not have been watching Terminator earlier tonight...

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Girl Update

So yesterday was our first 'date', it wasn't like a romantic date, she just came over here for, what turned into many hours.

I was SO nervous up until Thursday night when work called and said I didn't have to work Friday, so I had the whole day to prepare and relax, which was awesome. Of course the last half hour (she was to arrive at 4) I was like, what the FUCK are we going to do? I had rented The Strangers earlier in the day (her suggestion, how cool) but I mean, that's not exactly a days worth of activities. So I went online looking for first date activities/questions and found some stuff. But she showed up at 4 and I gave her a tour and then we took my dog on the walk. Suffice it say, she was here till 12am and the time flew by and it was great.

We chatted, I played guitar, she sang some stuff, we made dinner, watched a movie, etc. All a blast.

So thanks Laura for the advice, I have not gone ahead with it since I've been a-ok, but I think I will mention it down the line, though now in a less panicky manner. However, we are to do something on Monday, at her house. Yikes! Well, I'll be seeing my therapist earlier in the day (coincidentally not FOR this event) and hopefully I'll be driving our new car by then which should be good. And the burden of hosting will be on her! Hurray. I guess we'll see how things go when I'm out of my comfort zone.

Also, I have 26 more hours of work before the store closes. And those shifts are spread out over the next month and a half, so it's kind of sporadic. Oh well.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


So I'm in a bit of stitch here dear reader(s) (ie. in panic mode almost all day). Several things in my life have recently changed, as I've outlined here, in but a very short time. Some things can be dealt with, others not. Some things are more pressing, others not.

1) I continue to be plagued with health issues that are never remedied and get worse, I need to see a doctor soon
2) Driving freaks me out a little bit. Just as I got used to our automatic transmission car we sold it for a standard. Not a huge issue, but a big pain in the ass currently, especially since I don't know how to drive it 100%.
3) I will be out of a job very soon. It was perfect in almost every regard, and now I will have to settle for something less and go through this whole big fucking event again.
4) I must start school soon before I become a homeless person.
5) A really nice girl likes me, and it freaks me out.

On the first issue, it's more of a long term one, but getting to the doctor and getting things out will be the first step that will, I'm sure, allow things to change/flow easily from there.

On the second issue, I just need to practice, though for now it's a hindrance and another complication I don't want.

On the third issue, fuck, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I might just not work and do school instead.

On the fourth, again, fuck. I'm sure it's not as bad as I make it out to be, and I'll certainly be there no longer than I would be at my longest at work, especially if I'm only taking a few courses.

On the fifth, this one could go either way honestly. I'm really interested in getting to know her more. But relationships freak me out. The commitment, and having to wonder what the other person is thinking, and making sure you're doing things right etc. etc. And I'm not sure I'm ready to be in a relationship, since I did break up with someone over a year ago for the same reason, and she knew everything about me. This girl I'll have to hide stuff from. But I also really like her. And should I just keep stringing her along like everything is fine? Or do I be honest with her? It stands to reason that would be continue to be friends, or take things further one day she'll know more about me.

The final problem is all these things affect each other. Like they all need to come into place right at the same time for everything to go well. I need to feel healthy so I feel better about life, and going out and doing stuff. But I also need a car to go do stuff. Plus I need money, but I don't have a job. And of course I'll need money and a car to hang out with this new girl. And then worrying about this affects my health. You see?

Anyways, that's how things are now. Back to how they were a year or so ago. Unfortunately. Maybe it'll just be short term. If anyone has any sane (or insane) advice on the issues, it'd be great to hear another perspective that isn't mine.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Oh boy

Well the advice will be too late (should someone want to give it) now. The young lady spoken about came back to work today, and out of the 4 hours that I worked today, she was there for 2. The conversation eventually came around to her asking me if I wanted to go out, on a date I presume, at some point. So I said sure, and that's that.

What we'll do, I don't know. I straight up told I'd never been on a date so we'll figure something out. How I feel about it? I don't know either. You know me, always worrying about the future and all that sort of stuff, but so far everything has been hunkydory, so hopefully it goes well in a more official fashion.


That is all for today. Also I feel like I need more Valium, which may or may not be related to current events.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


@ Laura, was going to comment on your comment for last entry, but will address it here.

So today at work was fucking brutal.

Mike had a party here last night and a couple of my friends showed up. It was a really good time. Most of it was spent playing guitar and singing (4 or 5 of us and 2 guitars and a mandolin). We did classic rock, current stuff, a lot of Fleet Foxes, etc. End of the night my throat was wrecked, especially after the Pearl Jam in Rock Band.

So I went to bed around 3 or 4, then got up at 8 and worked 7 hours. The original plan was to stay at a friends house close by to work (since it would be quiet there), but I was like 'ah fuck it, I'll manage'. Which I did, but I spent the first 3 hours of the shift seated in a rolly chair rolling around the store checking stuff, and then ate a bunch of ice cream (free, cause if it's in spoonfuls it's like I'm just testing it) to wake up.

Here's the really big news.

So remember I mentioned (maybe) that we were moving stores? Turns out they aren't, and they're closing for good end of November. Does that not fucking suck? I never thought of this as a resume job, ie. just doing it for experience to get something better. At this point I couldn't have imagined working at a better place. And I was excited to stay in it for the long haul. Turns out there is no long haul, and now there's nothing. On the plus side, I was basically running the store and manning it single handedly when there, which is good for a resume, aside from the usual cash and customer service stuff. It just sucks is all. At the very least working with other people somewhere will be fun (because I always worked by myself is what I mean).

On the topic of the girl I spoke of; Anthony (boss man) came in today and told me I had a secret admirer and I was like oh boy. I don't know the extent of the conversation he had with the individual, but he mentioned she might ask me out, and I am to be honest freaked out. When I broke up with my ex, whom I loved very dearly, I told her I couldn't be in a relationship currently, but also explained why. How do I tell this person I'm not really looking, even though I think she's great? It's a delicate issue, which might be a moot point if Anthony is just joking around about the date part.

Anywhosit, some might say, why make an excuse at all, why not be open to these things. Yada yada yada. They might be right, so we'll see. At the very least I'll get her email tomorrow and use that as a we'll plan something in the future/lets stay in touch. Plus I'm pretty sure she's only 19, or maybe 20. Which, given I'll be 22 in Nov, seems a little young. I'm finicky with age I guess...

Also, saw Religulous after work today, it was awesome.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Girls and Movies

Dear diary like rant ahead, proceed with caution.

So today at work, I met a girl. She's slightly shorter than I, average build, short blond hair, blue eyes, fair skin, not really my usual type, but whatever. Soft spoken, but strong and opinionated. Very nice too. And I love her.

Ok, well maybe not love, and when I do say 'met' I mean this is literally the second time I've ever seen her in my life. The first time was a number of weeks back and she came (she rides a motorcycle!) to rent the Kill Bill movies, well, one on Friday, the other on Saturday, so ok I've seen her three times. Chat was short those first times, oh I love these movies, hey me too, sorta thing.

Then today it was really slow and she came in around the end of my shift. She asked me to help her find some thriller/horror films. And I was like, hey excellent, (the other day I drew up a list of all the films in the store I'd recommend and I categorized them by genre), so I told her I'd go to the back and get the list. Unfortunately I couldn't find it, so I came back and told her we'd have to do it the old fashioned way and go through the store movie by movie. And she was receptive to that idea, so that's basically what we did for 45 minutes and just talked about movies, and life, and whatever else. She enjoys all the movies and genres I do, and same with music, it was a little ridiculous.

So I basically picked out some of my fave movies (that the store also had) including Boogie Nights, Mulholland Drive, I heart Huckabees, American History X, Blow, Eternal Sunshine etc. And while she'd seen about 80% of the films in the store, she hadn't seen those. I recommended she try Boogie Nights and Mulholland Drive and she did, and I told her to let me know how she liked them, and she said she'd return next week, same time.

I don't know anything remotely helpful about her in terms of determining availability, ie. age, orientation, relationship status, etc.

Sadly I am a bum with no prospects and some issues to work on, so I may or may not act on anything anyways, but I guess we'll see. Hell she could turn out to be 27 as well, who knows.

Anyways, just a pleasent/frustrating experience from today. Although life is going well, this is an example of an instance that still causes me distress.

Also, watched Iron Man again tonight. I think the reason it's such a great movie, which perhaps could be an obvious point, though one I've never heard articulated, is that the alter ego stuff, while exciting, almost isn't as compelling as the Tony Stark stuff. Save for the current run of Batman films, I've never seen another superhero movie that was this compelling all around. Usually you're just waiting around for the next fight, but with Iron Man it's almost the other way around. I like it that way, and I hope Favreau and his producers don't try to up the ante with the sequel by going bigger and louder.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


So a half month has gone by, and no post. I'm not really sure what to say.

Work has been busy, I've been spending too much money on movies and whatnot. Enjoying TV on DVD with Six Feet Under (which I'm going through chronologically again), Dexter and Twin Peaks. Bought some cool posters for my room including one from The Lookout, EVERYONE WATCH THIS MOVIE NOW.

Thought I fucked up at work today, when my till was over by $90. After spending an hour counting and re-counting and checking my notes I couldn't figure it out, so closed up shop and left with a written note for the boss to call me in the morning to sort things out. I came back 30 minutes later, after spending money at Blockbuster and the boss was there and told me they forgot to tell me earlier there was extra money in the cash from the previous shift. Thank god. If I fucked up again I was going to cry.

Oh and the again part, in case I forgot to mention was I accidentally deleted a bunch of customer records. Basically any in the last year or so. So yeah.....

Anyways, live goes on. There is literally nothing remotely exciting to talk about. I wish that weren't the case but it is. Novembers my birthday, and I'm going to see Feist on November, 3rd. There that's it.

Also though, I watched La Femme Nikita this afternoon, and could someone explain to me what the big deal about this movie is. Is it the first to use such a premise? Do people like it solely because America bastardized it in an awful remake?

I mean, it was ok, but a classic? Really? The story jumps around all over the place, and I couldn't have cared less about any of the characters, they were downright annoying most of the time. And the action was poorly staged, and the dramatic tension really went nowhere.