Monday, July 27, 2009

Danger! Help Needed!

So I got into a bit of a fight with Chelsea today, relating, at first, to me going to school full time and her fears of me meeting someone more in line with my lifestyle and whatnot there. While trying to reassure her that that was not something I wanted, we sort of got into the debate about what our relationship means. My stance, having only been with her since November (and knowing her since October) is that I'm really glad we're together, I want her in my future yet I also have other things in my life, school and work, to occupy me and that need my focus. Since we're both young, and still have much of our lives left to live, who knows where the future will take us both, but that I hope things continue to go great.

Her response in a serious, but not angry tone was 'Well if you don't plan on staying with me, what's the point of this relationship?'. To which I responded with uhhhh

I mean, honestly, how the FUCK am I supposed to respond to that? I love the girl, I really do, but after being with her for less than a year, I'm not ready to start planning the rest of our lives together. Before meeting her, I thought, how could anyone be ready to after such a short period of time. It is nothing against her at all, I just can't predict the future. I'm not looking for someone else, I'm not counting her flaws and comparing them with other people, or wishing for certain things, I'm just taking it day by day, and hoping things continue to go well with us.

Any sort of hesitation or non-concrete answer regarding her and our future (and I mean, years from now future) and she gets upset.She doesn't do it in a jealous, or manipulative way mind you. It's just there's a history of infidelity in her family, and she is justifiably sensitive to and aware of the subject. I understand where she's coming from when she asks, and I get that she really loves/likes me, and it's comforting, and clearly better than the opposite, but I just don't know what's going to happen down the road, good or bad. And it doesn't cause me any overt stress, but it's starting to become bothersome.

It's honestly impossible to explain to someone that you love them, but that there's a chance we won't be together forever, especially since it's so early on. It's like, why bring up the point? But she keeps coming around to it, and then gets upset when I don't agree with her that our marriage and children will be wonderful. You know? I see where she's coming from (ie. aren't relationships meant to pick a mate for life), which is all fine and good, but I'm 22 and she's 20. It's not like we're running out of time. Where I am in my life is I want to do well in school, make some money working, and meet someone I enjoy spending time with. If it lasts, great, if it doesn't, that's too bad but we had fun, and we learned some things. Live and learn is definitely my motto with everything.

This whole rant seems negatively slanted, and yet I harbor no ill will towards her, or really the situation, I'm just really stuck in it currently. (ie. in the grand scheme of things I'll just go on the same way I have for this long) So in summation I love the girl. If we stay together, that's great, I couldn't ask for anymore from someone. And if we don't, at least we got to feel these things, and had a wonderful time together, but that's life.

So how do I get this across to someone who stubbornly (and foolishly I might add) has already made up their mind? Especially when opposition to their point of view bring disaster?

Any advice friends?

EDIT: You know what? I'm not mad at the situation or her, I'm mad that this is even an issue. There is no way in hell that we should even be thinking of such things at a) such a young age, and b) after being together for so long. There is no way in hell that I'm going to agree, or even make it seem like I agree with her on this issue. Again, not in an angry way, but in a 'I can't lie' way. I don't want to mislead her, or have her think we're on the same wave length. If the wave length is 'we love each other, that's good enough' then yeah I'm there. But if it lets spend our lives together, than no.

Part of me wants to just copy paste this into an email. I'm not saying I'm not sympathetic towards her, or so unromantic that I think everything is doomed to last, but well, see the first sentence of this edit to basically get my point. Not only should we not be thinking/talking about it (like oh no, what if person x doesn't feel the same) but it should even be in the realm of things to think/talk about.


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